C. J.’s Archetypes

Perhaps you’re one of the few people willing to admit that you don’t have a clue what the word “archetype” means. If so, I’ll explain: An archetype is a characteristic representing a universal pattern of human nature. Carl Jung was much enamored with the concept and considered archetypes to represent the collective unconscious of mankind.

A friend of mine recently showed me his own personal ten archetypes after completing a 76-question Jungian survey. To be honest, I’d never heard of all this stuff before, but my friend’s quest for his Jungian archetypes inspired me to go back to antiquity to discover my own top ten archetypes, just to give you a clearer picture of exactly who is presenting the quintessential truths about adultery on this website. Instead of filling out a questionnaire for a Jungian expert to evaluate, I used the ancient Taoist Zhēn Bèn (真笨) School of the Hú Shuō Bā Dào (胡说八道) Tradition. This involved meditating gently in front of my laptop and allowing my fingers on the keyboard to intuit the archetypical wellspring from which my own creativity arises:

1: 一 Explorer: Has difficulty distinguishing between right and left, possesses no sense of direction and tends to get lost.

2: 二 Scholar: The eternal proof reader. Focuses on spelling and grammar errors rather than the meaning of the text.

3: 三 Athlete: Possesses two left feet, totally uncoordinated, the last person to pick for your team.

4: 四 Model: No fashion sense, unwilling to spend money on clothes unless from Cross Dress for Less, Targét or on sale at the North Face Outlet Store.

5: 五 Wilderness Trailblazer: Believes that only a real bed on a floor inside a room is acceptable to sleep in. Cannot understand why anyone would want to walk uphill.

6: 六 Driver: Internationally renowned for failing driving test six times, driving the wrong way on one way streets and attempting to drive down a series of steps. Can never remember where she parked her car.

7: 七 Mechanic: Believes that the location of the dipstick is one of God’s mysteries. Dealing with tire pressures requires technical expertise beyond her ability. Feels that changing a tire involves superhuman strength that no female could possess.

8: 八 Visionary Artist: Represents the human form with a matchstick man. Can draw simple objects by using tracing paper.

9: 九 Pioneer: Invented alfalfa sprout and almond butter sandwich.

10: 十 Gardener: Considers Astroturf and gravel to be acceptable ground cover. Potted plants commit slow suicide in her presence.